They had hit songs like “Detroit Rock City” and “Chicago Rock City” and “Pittsburgh Rock City,” before audiences caught on that it was the same song with one lyric changed. KISS originally consisted of four members: Gene Simmons, Paul Stanley, Ace Frehley, and Gene Simmons’ really long tongue. That way I don’t need to worry about possibly killing them.” Jan jabs me in the eye with a brush when she says that, nearly killing me. He knew me because I did his grandma’s makeup at her funeral. Not musically or due to talent, but with makeup. He wanted them to stand out from the other bands. It’s a Coors Light mixed with Bud Light and heavy cream. “Whose idea in the band was the makeup?” I ask Jan as she sips her “Long Island Coors Light,” which isn’t just a Coors Light that happens to be in Long Island. Like I could walk around swinging a medieval mace in a crowded public space and a police officer would just say, “Nice mace” and walk off. A layer of white makeup coats my face, allowing me to feel what it would be like to be twice as white as I normally am. I sit in a chair in Jan’s Long Island home, staring at myself in the mirror. Today, I make an exception because Jan Carlisle, KISS’s former makeup artist, wants to personally show me how she turned four New York City boys into Insane Clown Posse lookalikes.

Terrible of those animals stealing good makeup testing jobs away from humans. It’s because they test that stuff on animals, which I think is terrible. If you’d like to be interviewed for the project, that’s nice. Keaton Patti is a rock and roll writer currently interviewing lesser-known figures in music history for a yet unnamed and uncreated magazine.

KISS with all the instruments they play well.

Gene simmons makeup